I'm currently sitting on my balcony watching an amazing light show. There is lightning all around in the distance and it's lighting up the whole sky. That little breeze finally picked up, which would be why I can actually sit outside and enjoy the show and write without melting from the sizzling inferno its been lately.
I feel like there is so much going on inside me, but I don't know exactly what. There's a lot of emotions, feelings and thoughts going round and round in my head. I feel it in my head, I feel it in my heart...I feel it in my bones its so active.
I just can't really figure out what IT is. It obviously has to do with the difficult time that Sarah is going through. I know how hard things are and it absolutely kills me that I can't just take away the hurt for her. All of this has moved our relationship into a new stage. Before, our conversations were a lot different than they are now. Maybe not a lot, but heavy topics and conversations weren't so usual as they are now. I don't mind at all. I love the transition actually because it forces you to take that next step into handling mature, adult problems with each other. It forces you to talk about certain things that otherwise might go undiscussed.
I think my biggest thing right now is being scared. I'm scared about a lot. I don't want to admit it at all...but it is what it is--I'm scared right now. I don't even know how to bring it up in conversation without it somehow feeling like I'm adding pressure or stress to an already over-stressed, over-pressured, battered soul. You think I want to do that?!? Hell no! I'm trying to suck it up and talk myself down when I get to worrying, but it's hard. It's very difficult. But I'm strong and I want to be strong for her right now because that's what she needs. She is weak right now because of everything that's happened. That's ok...that is what the person who loves you is supposed to do for you. When I'm weak, she's strong. It works..
Today I sat on my bed and looked at the pictures of us in my room. I've been rather sappy lately (crazy hormones!!) so as I sat there staring, I felt that oh-so-familiar lump creep up in my throat. I sat there and looked at her picture and thought to myself that I could never look into anyone else's eyes and feel what I do for, ever again. I look at every detail of her and it makes my heart hurt she makes me feel so good. I don't ever want to lose this love.
I'm running out of words as my head refills with clutter. Cluttered thoughts that I can't seem to make any headway sorting through. I miss things...but I know, from experience, that all hard times pass.
"Tough times don't last, but tough people do." -I would just like to add that tough people are also tough enough to remind someone who's feeling weak about just how tough they really are.
I feel like there is so much going on inside me, but I don't know exactly what. There's a lot of emotions, feelings and thoughts going round and round in my head. I feel it in my head, I feel it in my heart...I feel it in my bones its so active.
I just can't really figure out what IT is. It obviously has to do with the difficult time that Sarah is going through. I know how hard things are and it absolutely kills me that I can't just take away the hurt for her. All of this has moved our relationship into a new stage. Before, our conversations were a lot different than they are now. Maybe not a lot, but heavy topics and conversations weren't so usual as they are now. I don't mind at all. I love the transition actually because it forces you to take that next step into handling mature, adult problems with each other. It forces you to talk about certain things that otherwise might go undiscussed.
I think my biggest thing right now is being scared. I'm scared about a lot. I don't want to admit it at all...but it is what it is--I'm scared right now. I don't even know how to bring it up in conversation without it somehow feeling like I'm adding pressure or stress to an already over-stressed, over-pressured, battered soul. You think I want to do that?!? Hell no! I'm trying to suck it up and talk myself down when I get to worrying, but it's hard. It's very difficult. But I'm strong and I want to be strong for her right now because that's what she needs. She is weak right now because of everything that's happened. That's ok...that is what the person who loves you is supposed to do for you. When I'm weak, she's strong. It works..
Today I sat on my bed and looked at the pictures of us in my room. I've been rather sappy lately (crazy hormones!!) so as I sat there staring, I felt that oh-so-familiar lump creep up in my throat. I sat there and looked at her picture and thought to myself that I could never look into anyone else's eyes and feel what I do for, ever again. I look at every detail of her and it makes my heart hurt she makes me feel so good. I don't ever want to lose this love.
I'm running out of words as my head refills with clutter. Cluttered thoughts that I can't seem to make any headway sorting through. I miss things...but I know, from experience, that all hard times pass.
"Tough times don't last, but tough people do." -I would just like to add that tough people are also tough enough to remind someone who's feeling weak about just how tough they really are.
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