I wrote out an entire post, but deleted it all after re-reading it.
Sometimes I re-read stuff and it sounds ridiculous. I'll try and sum it up though since I just kind of teased everyone (all 9 of you, or whoever reads this).
Sometimes I push my own buttons. I don't like when other people push my buttons, yet I push my own sometimes. Makes perfect sense, eh?
I'll look at something...read something...something I know that upsets me every time, yet I continue to put myself through it. It's like a part of you hopes that one day it won't affect you anymore. And to be honest, sometimes I don't let it bug me. But today I did.
I'm sick. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally fatigued. I'm anxious. There's little things picking at my brain that are pissing me off and I can feel it rising inside me. Then it's like I knowingly send myself over the edge and make myself angry. Normally I do a really good job of keeping myself in check. I stop myself when I feel myself getting angry or upset and assess what's really going on. Usually I can talk myself down. But when all the factors that I just mentioned hit me at one time, I think it's beyond my control. I hate it, but I'm not the emotional superman.
I'm harder on myself than I think anyone knows. When I'm upset or angry with someone/at something, I also get mad at myself for letting it get to me. I probably shouldn't, but it's just how I feel. I enjoy maintaining an even keel the majority of the time.
Everyone wishes they could just get out of their own head sometimes. I just feel that sometimes that's impossible. Well, technically speaking it IS impossible. But usually, you decompress by resting or sleeping and I think lately I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I've definitely noticed a difference in myself the past week or so, though. I feel like I've had a short fuse, which is majorly uncharacteristic of me.
I'll be back to normal soon though. Things are going to settle and I'll re-read this post and make fun of myself :)
Sometimes I re-read stuff and it sounds ridiculous. I'll try and sum it up though since I just kind of teased everyone (all 9 of you, or whoever reads this).
Sometimes I push my own buttons. I don't like when other people push my buttons, yet I push my own sometimes. Makes perfect sense, eh?
I'll look at something...read something...something I know that upsets me every time, yet I continue to put myself through it. It's like a part of you hopes that one day it won't affect you anymore. And to be honest, sometimes I don't let it bug me. But today I did.
I'm sick. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally fatigued. I'm anxious. There's little things picking at my brain that are pissing me off and I can feel it rising inside me. Then it's like I knowingly send myself over the edge and make myself angry. Normally I do a really good job of keeping myself in check. I stop myself when I feel myself getting angry or upset and assess what's really going on. Usually I can talk myself down. But when all the factors that I just mentioned hit me at one time, I think it's beyond my control. I hate it, but I'm not the emotional superman.
I'm harder on myself than I think anyone knows. When I'm upset or angry with someone/at something, I also get mad at myself for letting it get to me. I probably shouldn't, but it's just how I feel. I enjoy maintaining an even keel the majority of the time.
Everyone wishes they could just get out of their own head sometimes. I just feel that sometimes that's impossible. Well, technically speaking it IS impossible. But usually, you decompress by resting or sleeping and I think lately I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I've definitely noticed a difference in myself the past week or so, though. I feel like I've had a short fuse, which is majorly uncharacteristic of me.
I'll be back to normal soon though. Things are going to settle and I'll re-read this post and make fun of myself :)
No comments:
Post a Comment