That's Love

Love is continuing to do the things you've always done for someone even when they are going unnoticed. And not throwing it back in their face; rather figuring out why they are so distracted.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

So I haven't written in... An eternity? Pretty much.

I've forgotten how much my brain likes to talk to my fingers and get all my random thoughts out. Sometimes I actually hear myself talking in my head. Weeeeird.

Anywho... I'm back. I've been on writing hiatus because I've been living what I used to write about. Aka THE DREAM! Yes it's true my girl, my best friend, my other half (cliche don't care). She moved to Greensboro back in October and life has been amazing since then. It's been fun spending so much time together and getting to learn about each other in an entirely different way. The things I used to lay in bed and think about I now get to see every day and live every day.

We spent so much time apart, yet now that we've been able to see each other every day I can't even imagine what it was like. I can't imagine NOT having this. I see her every day and have no earthly idea how I ever went a day without seeing her. That infectious smile and that force that pulls me in... Wahh makes me smile haha ☺

Enough mushy mush. I'll probably gag at myself later, but whatever. I'm in love; you wanna make fun of me? Suck it. 😍

Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, I somehow fall short. Like tonight. I felt like she could use some space so I didn't stick around much after I got home from work. Pissed her off. Really didn't mean to and now I feel bad. I didn't really know what she was acting funny for when I left...figured it had been a hard day and she just needed some time to herself. And I didn't want to distract her from posting her Euro trip pics bc I tend to distract. So to cheer her up I left flowers and a card at her door and doorbell ditched her place (minus the doorbell) and ran like hell back down the stairs. She called me later and thanked me, but I could tell she was still off. Sent her some texts and apologized for upsetting her. No response. Mehhh.

Why? I work my butt off. And sometimes it's like spit in the wind. Just flies back in my face. Sometimes it's jut hard. I always aim to please...never to upset so when I do it bugs me. 😔

Sigh..

Anyways, feels good to write. Makes the brain lighter before you go to sleep. Good night

Outta sight, outta mind

I wrote out an entire post, but deleted it all after re-reading it.

Sometimes I re-read stuff and it sounds ridiculous. I'll try and sum it up though since I just kind of teased everyone (all 9 of you, or whoever reads this).

Sometimes I push my own buttons. I don't like when other people push my buttons, yet I push my own sometimes. Makes perfect sense, eh?


I'll look at something...read something...something I know that upsets me every time, yet I continue to put myself through it. It's like a part of you hopes that one day it won't affect you anymore. And to be honest, sometimes I don't let it bug me. But today I did.

I'm sick. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally fatigued. I'm anxious. There's little things picking at my brain that are pissing me off and I can feel it rising inside me. Then it's like I knowingly send myself over the edge and make myself angry. Normally I do a really good job of keeping myself in check. I stop myself when I feel myself getting angry or upset and assess what's really going on. Usually I can talk myself down. But when all the factors that I just mentioned hit me at one time, I think it's beyond my control. I hate it, but I'm not the emotional superman.

I'm harder on myself than I think anyone knows. When I'm upset or angry with someone/at something, I also get mad at myself for letting it get to me. I probably shouldn't, but it's just how I feel. I enjoy maintaining an even keel the majority of the time.

Everyone wishes they could just get out of their own head sometimes. I just feel that sometimes that's impossible. Well, technically speaking it IS impossible. But usually, you decompress by resting or sleeping and I think lately I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I've definitely noticed a difference in myself the past week or so, though. I feel like I've had a short fuse, which is majorly uncharacteristic of me.

I'll be back to normal soon though. Things are going to settle and I'll re-read this post and make fun of myself :)

Less than 2 weeks :)

My best friend is moving here in two weeks and I can't wait.

I. Can't. Wait.

Here's to lots of these moments...

Can you feel the love?

Rainy Hump Day

Sounds enticing eh? Rainy hump day!

Not so much. When I say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I mean I woke up on the wrong side and wrong end of the bed. To whoever crosses my path today, I'm sorry in advance. I don't want to talk, I don't want to think and I sure as hell don't feel like doing anything other than going back to bed.

You were warned.

Restless doesn't begin to cover last night. Sleepless? ...getting warmer. I fell asleep for about an hour. Then woke up and tossed and turned for about two hours. Fell back asleep at some point only to be woken up by the spectacular show mother nature was putting on. Thanks lady...but 5 am really isn't the time. Thunder so violent and loud that all the car alarms in the complex were going off. Just another reason why I'm a cranky bitch today.

With all the rain that came down, all the pine needles I normally walk Lexi on were washed away. Which left red clay... and OF COURSE Lexi had to walk IN the clay...not on the wet grass, but in the sticky red dirt which is now caked under her nails and all over my bathroom floor.

Thank you Wednesday, you've been great thus far...

I'm sleeping until Halloween.

Family Ties

Sometimes you think that you and your sibling are so incredibly different that you couldn't possibly be from the same mother and father. When I was younger, my sister used to tell me that they were aliens and I was adopted (I think she meant abducted). There were times growing up I believed her. How could I possibly be from the same genes they were? But over time it made more sense.

I had my mom's porcelain skin and full, blushed cheeks. Legs that stretch for miles and small features like hands and feet. A smaller build, but curves to make me feel like a woman. My dad's athletic ability (thank God haha) and his way of dealing with emotions. His facial expressions and sense of humor. I'm not sure where I got my daredevilish, push the limits, manipulate you without you knowing ways. My mom's mother's ability to get myself in sticky situations to laugh about later.

Katie got dad's dirty blonde hair (let's hope she doesn't lose her hair like him haha). My mom's compassion and desire to please everyone. My dad's mom's cooking abilities. My dad's strong sense of family tradition. Tanner skin from my dad. Mom's way of making a house feel like a home.

So there we were growing up. Katie was into books and classical music. I remember riding in her car and Aaron Copeland would somehow be playing and I'd roll my eyes and put in MY cd. I was into legos, Star Wars and playing light sabers. Roller hockey? Yes please! Baking cookies with my friends at sleepovers? I'll pass..  In the summer when school was out she wanted to watch A Baby Story or some girly movie on Lifetime. I wanted to watch Cartoons and re-runs from the 90s. I went to basketball tournaments and she went to band competitions. But we supported each other. I was probably more reluctant...because let's be honest...a spin move for an 'and one' is just more exciting than a Drum Major's salute ;)

There were things we did together though. We played kickball and flashlight tag, we'd decorate Christmas cookies together, brainstorm on ideas for presents for mom and dad. Sometimes we'd even do things we weren't supposed to!! ...and then she would run and tell mom and dad haha. On Christmas eve we'd sleep in the same room and watch A Christmas Story OVER AND OVER AND OVER. We'd sneak downstairs to see all the presents that were put out.

But eventually the 4 year gap caught up with us. She was in high school and I was in middle school. We were in two VERY different places and spent a lot of time apart. I was always going somewhere for basketball and she was dating some college boy named Tom. Then she got married. And I went away to college. And something amazing happened. We were both adults!!!

We learned we had much more in common than we thought. Now we could go out and have a glass of wine together. We could watch scary movies and not shit our pants. She had a house I could come over and hang out at. We could drink beer, eat pizza and play games. WITHOUT FIGHTING! Hahaha it was amazing. And still is.

So...there was a time that I really thought "hey...maybe they ARE aliens because look how different I am..." My sister is in the likes of Martha Stewart and Julia Childs. If there was a cooking show based around ramen noodles and stir-fry that'd be me! No matter how different we are, we are in fact from the same family and even sometimes share the same brain.

This was reaffirmed this morning... Love ya, sis!

What A Week..

This has been quite a week. Remember how I said I was afraid to be happy? Well, life is quick to remind you that it is still there, lurking suspiciously around the corner waiting to surprise you and burst your little happy bubble. Let's recap:

Trey's car was towed
Apartment screws up our rent payment
Apartment informs us that we won't get referral credit after they told us we would
Motorcycle scheduled to be towed, NOT towed
Front brakes on car are shot
Basketball parents go crazy....EVEN AFTER WE WON (wtf?)

These are just a few of the things going on. Tonight, I'm heading down to Charlotte to stay with Sarah and move some things up tomorrow. Her parents will be there. Both of them. I am beyond nervous. I can't put a finger on exactly what it is I'm nervous about. It's the first time I've met them THIS way. Last time I saw them was Easter...before they knew who I really was and before Sarah told them everything. I really do like her parents a lot; I'm both excited and nervous to see them. I know it's different for moms and dads. Moms understand their children in a different way than a father does. The bonds you form between the two are different.

I just want to be taken seriously. That this isn't just some THING. I sure as hell don't take this lightly... I'm just trying to remember to breathe. I'm sure my pulse will be racing, my palms will be sweaty, I'll be speaking quickly, but I NEED to do this. It's time for it to happen.


I'm just going to be myself...or the nervous version of myself haha