I have not written in a LONG time. Writing gets all my inner shit out that my mind and mouth can't seem to do so well. I'm in that funk that I tend to get into one to two times a year...
I'm frustrated.
In November, I yet again, lost a job. Why authoritative figures have issues with me is STILL beyond me... 6 months later, I am now employed with a company that I really do love. Oh, and I work with Sarah's brother (sort of [he's in Charlotte]). It's a great job and I've already met some really great people.
Sarah's job is killing her right now. And me. She is over-worked and under-appreciated. She hardly has weekends. She is ALWAYS tired. Our days are so routine it is mind numbing. But I don't know how to change it. I can't change her job for her. She is searching for something new... but until then, it's making things pretty miserable and boring. I get SO frustrated, but it's not with her. When she is in bed by 9, I can't help but gripe. I just want to spend time with her. And I feel like we don't get much of that anymore...
It takes a toll on everything. Communication, fun, happiness, sex... you name it. I. Am. Frustrated.
I've been in such a weird mood lately--I'm easily irritated and moody. That's totally NOT me, but I guess I can see why it's happening. I really hope she can find something new soon so that I can have my wonderful, sweet, fun loving girlfriend back.
We've gotten in some bad habits. Ooooh like not working out. We're tired all the time. Which is a cause and effect. Grrr... I've just never felt so fucking unmotivated in my life and I can't get out of it. But I want to. I want to for myself and I want to for Sarah. She thinks she looks awful, but I still think she looks sexy as hell. Always will. Me on the other hand...oy. vey. I've never weighed so much in my life and I hate myself for it.
Why can't I just GET UP AND DO IT?!?!
I'm hitting that summer rut where I'm ready for a change. I write about it every year... It's happening faster this year.
I want to be better for her. To challenge her. To give her the fire again.
It will happen.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but lately I'm having a very hard time finding words. I feel like I'm just bottling stuff up. Probably why I just need to start writing again. Don't get me wrong...I'm very happy with my overall life. I just want little things to change, but I can't seem to put one foot forward.
My big girl panties must have gotten lost in the wash somewhere. Oh wait...I don't wear panties!!!
Good night.
I'm frustrated.
In November, I yet again, lost a job. Why authoritative figures have issues with me is STILL beyond me... 6 months later, I am now employed with a company that I really do love. Oh, and I work with Sarah's brother (sort of [he's in Charlotte]). It's a great job and I've already met some really great people.
Sarah's job is killing her right now. And me. She is over-worked and under-appreciated. She hardly has weekends. She is ALWAYS tired. Our days are so routine it is mind numbing. But I don't know how to change it. I can't change her job for her. She is searching for something new... but until then, it's making things pretty miserable and boring. I get SO frustrated, but it's not with her. When she is in bed by 9, I can't help but gripe. I just want to spend time with her. And I feel like we don't get much of that anymore...
It takes a toll on everything. Communication, fun, happiness, sex... you name it. I. Am. Frustrated.
I've been in such a weird mood lately--I'm easily irritated and moody. That's totally NOT me, but I guess I can see why it's happening. I really hope she can find something new soon so that I can have my wonderful, sweet, fun loving girlfriend back.
We've gotten in some bad habits. Ooooh like not working out. We're tired all the time. Which is a cause and effect. Grrr... I've just never felt so fucking unmotivated in my life and I can't get out of it. But I want to. I want to for myself and I want to for Sarah. She thinks she looks awful, but I still think she looks sexy as hell. Always will. Me on the other hand...oy. vey. I've never weighed so much in my life and I hate myself for it.
Why can't I just GET UP AND DO IT?!?!
I'm hitting that summer rut where I'm ready for a change. I write about it every year... It's happening faster this year.
I want to be better for her. To challenge her. To give her the fire again.
It will happen.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but lately I'm having a very hard time finding words. I feel like I'm just bottling stuff up. Probably why I just need to start writing again. Don't get me wrong...I'm very happy with my overall life. I just want little things to change, but I can't seem to put one foot forward.
My big girl panties must have gotten lost in the wash somewhere. Oh wait...I don't wear panties!!!
Good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment