Romance

"Romance is thinking about your significant other when you're supposed to be thinking about something else." -Nicholas Sparks

How true is that? I find myself in near constant thought about the one I love. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. I'll be sitting at work, quietly chipping away at the day's tasks, listening to music and then all of the sudden I blink and realize what is actually going through my mind. Sometimes I'll just be sitting somewhere thinking about her and not even realize where or what I'm doing. It's like all of the sudden I come to, and realize I'm sitting in complete silence staring into space. As I sat taking my insurance licensing exams, I really had to crack down on myself and focus, because even then...she was present in my mind. That was different, however, because instead of my normal thoughts, it was like her voice was in my head telling me to focus and that I knew what I was doing and that she believed in me.

I've never experienced something like that before...

Some people might argue that it's kind of bad to be so distracted? I'd tell them they're crazy! Why is it bad? It's not...it lets me know just how much I care about the person. The fact that I can't go 5 minutes without thinking about this person is something that I love. I know all about the "infatuation stage," but this feels so incredibly different. It's not infatuation for me...never has been. It's always been genuine, and always will be.

My thoughts get me through the day and the moments that we're not talking. They put me to sleep at night, open my dreams at night and wake me up in the morning.

That's romance...

Longest. Afternoon. Ever.

I feel like I woke up and started this day yesterday.... This morning feels like it was eons ago.

It wasn't that bad until I ate lunch. I'm now sitting (and by sitting I mean basically reclined in my chair so that my head doesn't even reach the top of my chair) in my office watching the minutes slowly trickle off the clock. I can usually deal with the food coma that ensues after a big meal...but when combined with a slew of allergy symptoms, the result is lethal.

Every 5 minutes my eyes tear up and I sneeze several times. Then I rub my eyes and feel even more tired than I was 5 minutes ago. I never really whine...today is the exception, however, because I have literally resorted to slapping my face to stay awake. Probably not a bad idea to head out early today... All my work is done..

The only thing getting me through this afternoon: a diet coke, StumbleUpon and my vivid daydreams.

Perpetual Bliss

"When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear.  You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin.  You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with the beauty or looks.  You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body, but not your heart.  That's why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant. There is nothing about that person that could ever change the way you feel about them. You love their soul, everything about them. And you can't imagine life without them"

-Anonymous  

ACT

Bored?

Go to wikipedia and hit random article. The first article that comes up is the name of your band : Aviation Composite Technology

Go to quotationspage.com and click on random quote; take the first four or five words--that is the name of your album: The World Is A Tragedy

Go to flickr.com and click on last 7 days and the third picture you see is the album cover.

Edit in picasa and here is the final product.

You just wasted 30 minutes of your life, but hey...at least you're not bored anymore :)

The many faces of KP

Testing # 2

i hate the world today..

I hate the world right now. I hate the fact that society and the world today can put so much pressure on people like me. I hate the fact that we have to lie... Lie about what makes us happy. Who we're with. How we feel about them.

It is beyond unfair the pressure that some parents can place on their children to live up to some sort of expectation they have. Why must we suppress our emotions just to conform to some view our elders have placed on us since birth.

So we're a little bit different...we like other things. Why should we have to go through hell just to be who we are? Someone I love is hurting right now...and I feel awful because I've been there. To an extent, I'm still there. I still feel guilty sometimes...

It boils down to the fact that we love our parents dearly. We don't want to disappoint them. All we want is their love, support and approval. We try and protect our parents from things we think will hurt or upset them. But at some point...we destroy ourselves in the process.

It kills me that some parents can make a child feel so afraid to express his or herself that they destroy themselves. Look at all of the teen suicides...its not just school bullying... Parents don't know the stress they put on their children in situations like this.

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS MAKE YOU HAPPY, PARENTS.

As children, we grow up hearing "just be yourself.." Why is that revoked once we're older and can make our own life decisions? At some point, we have to realize we are adults and should make our decisions based on what is best for us. We love our parents and respect them...but we are adults. We shouldn't have to feel like we have run around like little kids and hide certain things about ourselves.

I mostly hate the world because I can't be there drying tears right now. I'm stuck here fighting my thoughts and fears, all while worrying myself to death over someone else. I feel helpless because there is virtually nothing I can do, and I'm not ok with it. When you love someone, you're always there for them. I hate being at someone else's mercy...I hate feeling helpless and left to guess at what is going to happen next. I guess that's where I'm not patient in life.

I just want to be able to do something...

My Disney World

Has anticipation ever been known to kill someone? Sometimes the anticipation of something I'm really excited about feels like it might just kill me. I mean this in the best way possible of course...

I love that there are things in life that can make you feel that way. If you were lucky enough as a kid to experience Disney World, you know the exact feeling I'm talking about. I was luckier than most because I was born in Orlando...lived 20 minutes from the Magic Kingdom. Talk about some awesome memories. Unforgettable feelings. I love that as an adult, I can feel the exact same feeling that I did yeeeeears ago. That feeling of can't sleep, can't sit still, can't focus, can't stop grinning... I remember how the night before going to Disney in the morning felt like: I would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, looking out the window to see if it was light yet, listening for some movement in the house to let me know it was time to get up...the sever let down when I realized it wasn't even midnight yet. I would lie there like a big ball of nervous energy, full of anticipation for the coming day's fun activities.

In the morning, you can't get dressed fast enough. Can't choke down your Cheerios fast enough. So excited your fingers shake when you're trying to velcro your shoe (haha yea, I wore velcro light up shoes) Getting annoyed that everyone else wasn't ready when you were. The ride to the park being the longest drive everrrrrr. And then it happens...you park the car and take the first step towards what you're so excited about. And then you see what you've been dreaming about for days...the castle stands there in front of you like best thing you've ever laid eyes on. All you want to do is run into the park as fast as you can because the moment has finally come...

I'm so happy I can still feel that as an adult. It is such an honest, raw, innocent feeling that is next to impossible to hide. Every one sees it..especially your roommate as you run around the house like a crazy person--mostly just trying to keep your brain occupied until the thing you've been dreaming about is finally there.

That's how I feel these days...like a little kid, laying in bed every night anxiously awaiting the thing that makes my heart beat the fastest and makes me the most excited. I wish everyone had this feeling :)

Even on your worst days, this feeling saves you and snaps you out of your funk.

Anticipation....powerful stuff.

Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance

Everything in our world today is fast paced. Bigger, better, faster... Everything. Every one wants everything to be done right now, or they want to have something right this second.

Where's my food? Why are these commercials so long? I wish she/he would just get to the point. This drive takes forever.

Everyone is guilty of it...myself included. How satisfying are the things that we get right away? How good does a Big Mac feel later in your stomach? Sure it's ordered and in your hands in a matter of minutes. But think about a filet mignon or a grilled lamb chop... How amazing does that taste? Pretty damn good... But definitely doesn't come out as fast a Big Mac.

My point is...when you compare things like this, there is no question. The things that take a little bit longer are usually worth it.

I've got 'filet' in my life right now in the form of an amazing girl. I didn't go searching for the quick fix to satiate my hunger. I waited...I waited patiently and stumbled upon someone amazing. While things between us took off at lightning speed, they are now at a normal pace where everyday is a gift and another opportunity to uncover yet another reason to love this person.

Some days are longer than others....the days where I don't physically get to see her. But I still maintain that every day is a gift. Thankfully we live in a day and age where technology allows us to 'see' each other. Many people didn't have that. That's why I'm a fan of some old school stuff...I still think handwritten things are romantic and that some things should just be said in person.

I'm sitting here listening to one of my favorite bands ever (Rascal Flatts!!) Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance...and I can't help but think about my life right now. All of this is just that:

A deep breath and baby steps
That's how the whole thing starts
It's a long slow beautiful dance
To the beat of a heart


And right now...I'm dancing to the beat of my heart. Which beats pretty fast these days :)