Pat Summitt

Wow.


I'm lying here in bed wiping tears from my eyes. I just watched the ESPN 9 for 9 film on Pat Summitt. What an incredible piece. That film was just what I needed.

Sure I didn't go to Tennessee, but she saw something in me once. I remember going to camp there and having her personally invite me to the next camp where I would play with her players and be coached by her and her staff.

I am TRULY honored to say that Pat Summitt saw something in me. I never went there...instead choosing UConn; a bitter rival. Part of me will always wonder what if.

What if I had waited and given Tennessee and Pat Summitt the chance? At times I regret my choice to attend UConn. But every time I go there I think of what it took to get me where I am. I discovered myself at UConn. I found some of my best friends for life there. I fell in love and experienced heart break. I learned some of life's toughest lessons. But still....I wonder what if sometimes. How different would my life be? Or would it...?

I know in my heart of hearts that Pat probably was the better coach for me. But I was wooed by the charm of another great coach. I think I would have connected better with Pat. Or that she would have given me the chance I deserved.

I am a FIRM believer in EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. So many things could have gone differently, and who knows if I would have landed where I am now. I am SO happy about where I am. I'm in love with a wonderful person.

The impact that Pat has left on people is uncanny. She is an amazing woman--I have no doubt about that. I wish I would have known her better. I am SO tempted to write her and let her know what her film did for me tonight. I think I have problems??? She has Alzheimer's. My own mother has MS. I am just lazy...

I can't help but feel like that was my downfall in college. Yes, there were plenty of other factors, but I have always lacked mental toughness. I can't help but think that Pat could have taught me something that I know I severely lack sometimes.

It's time to get better. To BE better. No excuses anymore. It will help all areas of my life.

Tonight, I salute you, Pat Summitt. You are the epitome of what not just every woman, but ever person should strive to be.

You are sorely missed...

Why I'm Frustrated

I have not written in a LONG time. Writing gets all my inner shit out that my mind and mouth can't seem to do so well. I'm in that funk that I tend to get into one to two times a year...

I'm frustrated.

In November, I yet again, lost a job. Why authoritative figures have issues with me is STILL beyond me... 6 months later, I am now employed with a company that I really do love. Oh, and I work with Sarah's brother (sort of [he's in Charlotte]). It's a great job and I've already met some really great people.

Sarah's job is killing her right now. And me. She is over-worked and under-appreciated. She hardly has weekends. She is ALWAYS tired. Our days are so routine it is mind numbing. But I don't know how to change it. I can't change her job for her. She is searching for something new... but until then, it's making things pretty miserable and boring. I get SO frustrated, but it's not with her. When she is in bed by 9, I can't help but gripe. I just want to spend time with her. And I feel like we don't get much of that anymore...

It takes a toll on everything. Communication, fun, happiness, sex... you name it. I. Am. Frustrated.

I've been in such a weird mood lately--I'm easily irritated and moody. That's totally NOT me, but I guess I can see why it's happening. I really hope she can find something new soon so that I can have my wonderful, sweet, fun loving girlfriend back.

We've gotten in some bad habits. Ooooh like not working out. We're tired all the time. Which is a cause and effect. Grrr... I've just never felt so fucking unmotivated in my life and I can't get out of it. But I want to. I want to for myself and I want to for Sarah. She thinks she looks awful, but I still think she looks sexy as hell. Always will. Me on the other hand...oy. vey. I've never weighed so much in my life and I hate myself for it.

Why can't I just GET UP AND DO IT?!?!

I'm hitting that summer rut where I'm ready for a change. I write about it every year... It's happening faster this year.

I want to be better for her. To challenge her. To give her the fire again.

It will happen.

I feel like I have so much more to say, but lately I'm having a very hard time finding words. I feel like I'm just bottling stuff up. Probably why I just need to start writing again. Don't get me wrong...I'm very happy with my overall life. I just want little things to change, but I can't seem to put one foot forward.

My big girl panties must have gotten lost in the wash somewhere. Oh wait...I don't wear panties!!!

Good night.