You know when...

Just when you think there is no possibility of anything even remotely exciting ever happening to your life again.... something gives you a glimmer of hope :)

I have plenty of other exciting things going on, like coaching...but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about deeper stuff.

I feel like sometimes I'm afraid to let myself be too happy or get my hopes up too high, because, well let's face it... there has been a lot of let down in my life. Not on my family's part or anything like that. I'm talking about things that I saw potential in that didn't pan out and left me scratching my head and...sad? I don't know if that's the right word, but the angry grumbling creature in my stomach demanding lunch is distracting me from the plethora of vocabulary words that normally circulate in my head.

Nothing is more disappointing than getting your hopes up for something, and then never getting to feel it, see it, really have it in your life. This is why I try not to get excited about things so much anymore. I feel like if I downplay it to outsiders (and try to fool myself into thinking its not a huge deal) that somehow, it actually WILL turn out the way I secretly desire. Or perhaps this is just me "going with the flow" from now on.

I'm still very confused about this part of me. Why are we afraid to be happy? I guess I just can't stand the remote possibility of feeling let down anymore. That feeling has smacked me between the eyes one time too many in my life.

I have patiently (tossing and turning at night, naggy blogging) been waiting for something new and interesting to come into my life. I am right on the verge of something slight. But right now, slight is HUGE. All I've wanted to do is meet new people and make new friends at home. Life after college is tough when you're ripped away from your group of friends, and thrown back into a place you haven't lived for four years. It's kind of like..."Ok, what now?" I'm slowly starting to branch out. Meeting people. Most people think I'm some huge extrovert, but deep down inside, I'm a little shy when it comes to being proactive about "finding" new people. I mean, that last statement alone sounds so "40 year-old virginish." Bottom line is....I'm getting there, and each day is more exciting than the last.

I will patiently wait to see how all of this pans out.

( . /\ . ) ps- someone said this is supposed to look like boobs...anyone seeing this?